Mencari mimpi baru, seindah pelangi, seluas awan biru, seterang dan setinggi bintang di langit
Friday, 28 August 2015
Manusia Mahal.
Sunday, 5 July 2015
Nota.
Ramadhan 2013, ingat?
Awal pertama.
Biasa.
Firasat di hati tiada yang tahu.
Bagai ada tanda yang bakal terjadi.
Benar.
Biasa menjadi luar biasa.
Mulai mendekat.
Ramadhan 2014.
Semua menjadi ribut.
Semua menjadi kabut.
Semakin memberat dan susah.
Huru-hara.
Hanya ingin dimengerti.
Jauh sekali menjauh.
Ramadhan 2015.
Termeterai semua bertemu titik noktah.
Hakim memutus.
Segala terputus.
Memikul di bahu kian merendah.
Wednesday, 1 July 2015
Insomnia.
"Hey, sorry semalam. Saya tertidur. :("
"Nah, it's okay. Tau dah tertidur. :)"
"Still rasa bersalah jugak. Tidur pukul berapa semalam?"
"Takpe. Belum tidur dari semalam. Tak boleh tidur. Heh."
"Hah??! Belum tidur? Kenapa tak tidur ni??"
"Sebab tak boleh tidurlah. Pusing kanan, pusing kiri. Mata tak jugak lelap. Pukul 5 pagi bangun mandi, ready solat Subuh."
"Okay. Dah-dah, sekarang pergi tidur. Saya tunggu awak tidur."
"Okay, baik. Saya tidur."
"Dah. Peluk Cik D. Lelap mata. Jangan fikir apa-apa dah. Saya ada dekat sini."
"Baik. :)"
Ramadhan - Half Way To Go!
Fasting teaches sincere love. When one fasts, he does it out of a deep love for Allah. One who loves Allah is a man who knows what love is. Let this Ramadhan be the month we decide to change ourselves for good. This Ramadhan, take a sincere step towards change, transformation, redemption. If you do, you will find Allah in front of you.
Even if you didn't do your best in the beginning of Ramadhan, do your best from now. Don't let it get away without an effort. Don't give up. Allah is training your patience. Be thankful for your trials. If you’re being tested, you’re being perfected.
So hurry up and start now!
Ramadhan is about breaking bad habits, not putting them on pause.
Thursday, 25 June 2015
"Sorry."
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
This is not even the first time. It happened so many times before. Sepatutnya aku sudah boleh mengagak perkara ini akan terjadi. Lagi.
Why did you always pull me in just to push me away? Every single time.
Ada ketika, kau beria.
Ada ketika, kau menjauh.
Kau tarik aku, sampai aku masih mahu kekal hingga ke saat ini. Sebaliknya, kau makin tolak aku.
Avoiding. Silencing. Shutting me out.
You're so confusing. I just don't know what to do anymore.
You and your attempts and efforts.
Please know that all your efforts to save me from you, will fail. Even if you're trying to keep your distance from me, will not lessen my affection for you. Somehow, it would be privilege to have my heart broken by you. Yeah, it might sounds crazy. But, damn it.
I've been thinking since then. And the question still remains.
What else that is not enough for you?
Was everything never enough?
When are you going to get it?
When will you get it through your exceptionally thick skull that I love you? So freaking love you!
Haihh. I just wish the whole thing hadn't happened sometimes. And now, you've made your decision.
"Sorry."
If sorry could fix everything, why would there be laws and police?
If sorry could fix hearts, then nobody would be broken hearted.
But then, you chose that, so I have to accept it, by hook or by crook, shouldn't I?
Walau macam mana susah dan berat sekalipun.
Teruskan mencari apa yang kau nak cari. Semoga kau jumpa apa yang kau cari.
I believe there's something good gonna come later. With or without you.
Maybe this is good for both of us. I don't know. HE knows the best and the whole thing.
Wherever you are, my prayer's with you. Take care.
Love,
Me.
Sunday, 14 June 2015
Cik D, The Ladybug.
"That thing must be very precious to you. Given by someone?"
"Yeah, this is the only thing I have."
"You must be hugging that every night, am I right? A cure to your missing."
"....*weeping*...."
-June 10, 2015; 11:37 pm-
Love,
CikNin
Sunday, 8 March 2015
Sedia Kala.
Kembalikan ia seperti sedia kala.
Seperti waktu indah dulu.
Juga waktu duka, namun kita tetap bersama.
Setia berpegang pada janji yang satu.
Moga ia utuh.
Kali ini, aku takkan menyerah.
Tidak bakal berputus asa.
Cuba memahami, menyelami
Setiap yang terjadi.
Cuba
Memakai kasut situasimu,
Tinggal di kotak hidupmu.
Semoga berhasil.
Saturday, 24 January 2015
Jawapan Aku.
Kau tanya aku, kenapa aku baik lagi dengan kau. Sedangkan bermacam dah kau buat dekat aku.
Aku jawab, tapi ini jawapan aku yang panjang untuk soalan kau yang satu itu. (Itupun kalau kau baca.)
Aku tak punya sebab nak benci kau.
Aku tak punya sebab nak berdendam dengan kau.
Sebab, kau pernah buat aku bahagia.
Sebab, kau pernah sayang aku.
Sebab, kau pernah jaga aku.
Sebab, kau tau baik buruk aku macam mana.
Sebab, segala kebaikan kau dan kenangan yang kita ada telah menutup dan melupakan aku seketika semua rasa benci dan sakit aku. Sampai aku dah tak nampak semua tu.
Ya, aku sakit dengan apa yang terjadi. Aku sedih. Aku marah. Tapi, semua tu bersifat sementara. Aku tak simpan dendam.
Aku akui, hari tu aku marah kau. Maaf. Aku sakit. Aku masih mencari diri aku yang hilang.
Hilang sebelah sayap dan cuba untuk terus terbang agar tak tersungkur terus ke bumi.
Tak, aku tak benci kau. Kalau dimulut aku kata benci, tapi tak di hati.
Jangan kata aku benci kau.
Aku sedih.
Tak mungkin aku benci orang yang pernah jadi bahagian hidup aku.
Dah macam soulmate aku.
Used to be the other half of mine.
Aku tak benci kau.
Tak pernah.
Tipu kalau aku kata aku tak rindu. Memang menipu kalau kata aku tak sayang. Tapi, aku tak nak jadi beban dalam hidup kau.
Aku tak nak risikokan kau dan hidup kau.
Kau berhak atas hidup kau.
Aku cuba faham,
Dan aku faham.
Jangan risau pasal aku. Aku okay.
Teruskan kehidupan kau, macam aku teruskan kehidupan aku.
Tak, aku bukan nak raih simpati kau atau sesiapa. Aku tak harap dengan kau baca semua ni, kau kembali. Aku cuma jawab apa yang kau tanya aku.
No hurt feelings,
No hard feelings.
Wednesday, 21 January 2015
Terfaktab: Forgiving.
At this very moment, you may be the dumped, or the one who dumped. Or even both. Either which, it could be one of the biggest mistakes of your life, to have had a fated relationship. The dumped is usually not very keen to forgive, forget and move on. They just can't. Forgiving is harder than the rocks from Mars.
Yes, your past may be bitter. But the present you're living should be sweet and better. To successfully move on is to forgive (even unwillingly). It helps to cure the bitterness in your heart. You and me, neither of us is as perfect as any of Allah's Messengers. You may find it's hard at times to forgive, forget, and move on. Well, that just shows you're human anyway. Human with bitterly-torn heart.
Give yourself some time, but you can't have all the time in the world. Afterall, it's not worth to hold grudges and carry it to the afterlife. You can just forgive all the wrongs, the painful wrongs and it's all settled here. The art of forgiving is, never hold grudges.
Remember, anytime is the best time to forgive.
Terfaktab Zine: The Reason.
Call me evil, call me ruthless. I have someone that I should think of more frequently than you but then, you win. You make me think of one damn possible reason of why you leave me hanging. Why doesn't you say a word of goodbye? Am I not good enough? Is it because you don't want to see me break down? Is it because I'm somewhere there in the tiniest space of your heart? Is it because you care of my feelings if you left?
And most importantly; why you even came into my life and flew away with the wind.
I've learn a lesson. We can never expect how a person's presence could affect our emotion terribly, for eternity. Thanks to you, because even when you've left, I can never discard you from my head and from my heart because of one goddamn reason. I'll keep on searching for the reason. Forever.
I guess with you, God gives me one temporary moment in my life for me to feel the sweetest love and adoration, and in return, we can't be together. God's call.
Just so you know, I cant even describe you with just a word. You're my once upon a time, but my hardest goodbye. My biggest failure, and my sweetest memory.
Tuesday, 20 January 2015
Terfaktab Zine: Kau okay? aku okay.
Kau busy, sangat busy. Jadi aku cuba juga untuk membusykan diri. Tapi kau ada juga masa reply text aku walaupun lambat, sebab kau perlu dahulukan orang yang perlukan khidmat kau. Aku okay. Kita okay.
Aku paling kau utamakan, sampai orang tak tahu pasal hubungan kita. Kau cakap belum masanya. Ada banyak hati kau nak kena jaga. Hati ex-ex kau misalnya. Jadi aku ini apa dan siapa? Tak apa. Aku bersabar. Aku okay. Kita okay.
Kau layan orang lain baik-baik. Sampai personal text tanya “kau okay, kau okay?” Tapi aku kau tak pernah tanya. “Aku tak okay” sebab kau kenal aku seorang yang kuat, jadi kau tak payah ambil berat sangat pasal aku. Aku boleh handle sendiri. Aku okay. Kita okay.
Aku dah makin cemburu. Perasaan itu dah mula ada, aku risau bila ada perasaan macam ni, itu tanda aku dah mula sayang sangat. Tapi bila aku tanya kau pergi mana, buat apa, dengan siapa, dah makan belum? Dan kesemuanya pertanyaan klise dan apa yang kau buat kau tak inform dah sampai aku kena tanya dan kau cakap “macam tak biasa” aku fikir aku terlalu mengongkong pula. Aku okay kita okay. Maaf aku terambil berat.
Bila kita jadi selalu gaduh, layanan sesama kita jadi kurang. Mungkin aku nak kau pujuk dan kau nak aku “okay” dengan sendirinya dan berpura macam tak ada masalah. Aku terpaksa berpura demi menjaga hubungan kita ni ke? Aku mengalah. Aku okay. Kita okay. Dan hubungan kita okay.
Kau minta maaf, kau cakap semua salah kau, aku maafkan dan kita berbaik, esoknya kau ulang lagi silap yang sama. Aku tegur itu ini bukan nak perfect, tapi bawa berbincang macam mana sekalipun, serupa aku seorang saja yang pertahankan hubungan kita, dan kau sedang sibuk mencari penganti aku. Aku tahu jangan tipu. Aku okay. Kita okay.
Aku dah tak tahu nak buat apa. Jadi aku berdiam diri. Kalau rindu kalau cinta dan sayang aku, cari dan ajaklah aku kembali. Rasa cinta itu ada, sayang itu masih ada. Tapi dalam kau tak sedar, kau dah buang aku. Tak apa, aku maafkan. Aku tahu kau sedang terleka. Mungkin.
Kita tak ada masalah, langsung. Kita okay. Aku okay kau okay dan hubungan kita okay. Mungkin kita perlukan masa dan ruang untuk merindu dan saat itu kau janganlah anggap aku tinggalkan kau. Okay? Banyak sangat kesalahan kau pada aku, terlalu banyak jadi kita tak payah berjumpa, tak payah berbincang sebab kau suka baca entry aku bukan? Jadi bercintalah dengan alam maya ni. Okay?
Monday, 19 January 2015
It’s You.
Wednesday, 14 January 2015
Treasure.
Monday, 12 January 2015
We Accept Love, We Think We Deserve
"You never expect the hurt to come from those you love.
You assume that your love for them ultimately means,
That if nothing else
They love you just as much.
So when they, whether lover or friend,
Show you that their devotion to you
is no where close to your loyalty to them.
It hurts
So the questions is not
How do you find an equal in love
But rather,
How much hurt are you willing to accept along with the love and how long?"