I'M BACK!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Hey, guys! I'm finally here! Haha, sorry for not updating anything for a long time. A year or maybe more, huh? You know, when you don't have that motivation to write. Actually, I have a lot to share with you guys, but the motivation is not there. Yeah, I don't know what happened to me. There's so much going on and this blog is abandoned. Pity blog. So, now I try to get back to writing with my stories and whatnot. Okay?

So, how's life been treating me? Quite okay, I guess. There's always ups and downs. There's always dramas (lol). But, Alhamdulillah, I'm good. I still have two more semesters before graduating. Another year to go! I'm just gonna create more memories with my friends and classmates before we graduate. Hoping for less dramas and bullshits, yea. Lol. What do people call it? Seize the day? Yup, I'm just gonna seize the day. :D

Racun.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.



Racun. Itu kau.
Setiap langkah, gerak-gerimu membunuh setiap bakteria baik dalam imunku.
Tapi, kau juga penawar.
Penawar segala racun yang kau sebarkan.
Kelakuanmu membingungkan.
Jujur saja, mahumu apa?
Mengapa harus diracun seluruh penawar itu?
Racun yang telah mematikan aku dan lantaran itu
aku terlantar bersama mesin masa.

Mesin masa kau matikan. Kau renggut kepalanya.
Membiar garis masa terhenti. Mati.
Mati, terhenti bersama degup jantung yang masih ingin
bernafas sambil menghela namamu.

Hospital.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

"I'm sorry I can't be like other boyfriends who brought flowers to their girlfriends to the hospital."

That's what he said when I was admitted to the hospital, recently.

Honestly, I don't need flowers or chocolates. I just need you by my side. And yes, you did. You were there. From the moment I was rushed to the hospital with ambulance, you were there. No one there, but you.

I still remember, you left the hospital at 9.30pm on the first night and you came again the next afternoon. You gonna be there at 12pm sharp, everyday. And I remember, I'm gonna counting until 12pm.

And I still remember, you spent the night at the hospital, accompanied me. You didn't get your bath or even changed your clothes. You didn't even take your rest or your beauty sleep just to ensure I was okay during the blood transfusion.

At 4am, I was awake. Saw you still there, smiled to me.

Having you is more than enough. I don't need flowers. I don't need chocolates. What you've done to me was priceless, precious. You worth more than those flowers and chocolates.

Thank you for taking good care of me when I was sick. Thanks for always be there for me. Only He knows how grateful I am to have you. I always pray that you are the one, and I don't want to lose you.

I love you.

Quilled.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

[2/19, 11:35 PM]: I just sent him off to his place. He's not feeling well. And I know there's something bothering him, which I don't even know what is it. Gosh, I miss him already. How I wish I can be by his side right now. Watching over him. So that I can get him everything he needs. He refused to get any meds and isotonic drink. I'm worried. Haih. Get well soon my dear. It breaks my heart to see you like that.

[2/20, 1:55 AM]: I wish I know what's bothering you. So that I can help you to at least, ease your burden. Please, let me be your ears, let me be your crying shoulder. Please. It hurts me to see you in pain or even in any kinds of unpleasant feelings. I miss your smile, I miss your laughter. Smile, smile.

[2/20, 4:55 PM]: He was okay this morning. I got to see him; smiling and laughing. We even had lunch together. But then, he suddenly creep into silence. I'm not sure whether he's not feeling good or he's just sleepy. Seeing him like that, it worries me a lot. It's been few days he's acting like that. I don't know whether he's just tired and doesn't want to talk to anybody or it's me who loves to over think. I wish I know why. I wish. I wish I could dive into his heart and find the answers. So that, he doesn't have to tell me, because I know he's not good with words.

Him.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

When it all started? To be honest, I don’t even know when I started to like him. I started a routine; go through his social medias; everyday. But, after that one fine night, I’ve knocked my sense, I like him. Damn it. I’m sure with myself, I like him.

It's time for our semester break. We sent him off to the airport. I can feel my heart was blue as he went off to the boarding gate. I can still see him waving, smiling from the gate. I almost shed a tear. And I realized, he took my ring with him.

He took my ring with him back to Kuala Lumpur. It’s like he's already took half of me with him. 

Three months. I wondered if he would like me the same. I wondered if he would notice me. But, I keep denying because I don’t want any false hopes. He met many girls at his workplace and bragged them every time in our group. It broke me every time, as I read them and I chose to be a silent reader. The dream gonna stay as a dream. Knowing it is impossible.

Day by day, I tried to keep him away from my mind. Got to know to someone new. I thought I was doing fine, but I failed. I came back here and I realized the feelings still lingered.

I don’t know how we became closer, day by day. Seeing each other every day. Texting and talking. And I realized that I get attached to him. I'm happy  whenever I'm with him.

I remember the night when he finally confessed to me. That was a night to remember. I didn’t expect it at all. I thought it was joke, but it turned out to be real. But somehow, I’m glad and grateful because He heard me. Finally, the dream came true. Even though, it's not yet complete, but its half way there. I cried out of happiness.

He spoiled me. Too much. Being a girl who always with mood swing, he's always there, listen to me, and comfort me.

He rang me up in the morning, one day because I need to attend a meeting with the President and I only had two hours of sleep. He rang me every ten minutes just to make sure if I already up.

Orange ice-cream. The day when I almost give up and tired. I said I wanted an orange ice-cream. He drove to almost every stores, but there's no orange ice-cream. But, he’s there. Still there. Patiently handled the moody me with his care and love. I was acting up, and crying.

Lord Almighty, it's him. It's him that I always pray and hope for. Please, let him be the one for me.

Women.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

"Kenapa perempuan tak boleh garang?" 

"Women's role as Guardian of Society. Kita mengharapkan perempuan yang lemah lembut, sopan santun. So that kaum lelaki ada tempat untuk bermanja, untuk hilangkan stress stress mereka. Untuk menjadi bahagia. Sebab tu la perempuan ni mengagumkan. Mereka memberi kebahagiaan tanpa mereka sedari."

"Garang diluar lembut di dalam. Marah marah sayang."

"Garang kami pada yang tertentu tapi sopan santun kami sentiasa. Ada masa dan orang tertentu."

"Hm so garang yang comel ke? Haha. I don't know girls. So tell me about girls."

"Girls are complicated. Sometimes we confused with ourselves."

"I know girls are complicated. Semua orang tau. Hahaha. Dan, semua orang comel. Tapi semua orang beza kecomelan dia. Faham tak? Comel or cantik tu tak kisah which one. But yang paling penting is that aku happy dengan dia. Muka yang cantik tak menjanjikan hubungan yang bahagia. Kejujuran tu yang penting. Dari kejujuran datangnya kasih sayang. Dari kasih sayang datangnya bahagia. Itu barulah cinta."

"Yes, sebab tu I don't do relationship. Based on observations semua, rasa macam leceh betul bila in a relationship ni. So for now kalau jodoh tu sampai nak ketuk pintu hati ni, ketuklah. Ketuklah asal jangan bagi harapan palsu main knock knock who's there. Yea, harapan palsu berada di mana mana. Tapi, jangan jadi orang yang memberi harapan palsu tu."

"Tapi kan, orang selalu salah anggap. Orang selalu salah sangka. Aku yang jadi mangsa."

"Kenapa orang salah sangka? Kena tengok jugak cara kita layan orang tu macam mana. Tapi, tak dinafikan pun perempuan memang mudah jatuh hati or perasan bila ada orang care pasal dia. Dan bukan salah kau kalau kau memang takde cakap pasal benda-benda yang boleh bagi harapan dekat dia. Perempuan tu yang salah faham."

Ya, benar. Perempuan sememangnya mudah tersentuh. Cepat perasan. Cepat jatuh sayang. Itu lumrah mereka. Lelaki hanya berbuat baik. He's just being nice. He just wanna make you happy. Sebab itu salah satu lumrah lelaki.

Life & Love.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Is it wrong to have feeling towards someone? Is it a crime?
It's a yes kalau orang tu dah berpunya, dan kalau perasaan tu nafsu. Zina hati. You gotta know how to differentiate between love and lust.

Kalau pure and tak berpunya?
Mana tahu pure? Sebab biasa kalau cinta pandang pertama atau cinta dalam masa sebulan dua tu lust. You gotta know the person to really love them.

Feelings is what makes a human, human.
Usually it's either lust, or loneliness. Love isn't easy to come by. But, mostly loneliness.

Love doesn't work like, I knew you for months or less and I think I really knew you.
Don't fall in love when you are lonely. Fall when you are ready.

How to differentiate Love and Loneliness?

Macam mana kau tau kau really love that person?

Loneliness tu bila kau cari je sesiapa. Kau tak kisah asal ada teman.
Love tu bila kau dah fixed memang nak sorang aje.
Bila lonely ni kau jadi possesive, obsessive, negative.
Bila love kau tolerate, patience, positive.

What if you were lonely, then a person came. Is that love right there?
No.

Setakat masalah cinta bodoh tak bawak mati lah. Cinta Allah SWT dulu, cinta parents dulu, cinta diri sendiri dulu. Come on la. Kita bukan budak form 2 nak buat cerita give up nak mati, give up nak bunuh diri. This is not Wechat. Kau suka orang tu, kau nak try dia, try. Mintak pendapat. Bukan sikit-sikit nak mati, sikit-sikit menyusahkan orang. Kalau rasa tak akan dapat, mintak pendapat cara nak move on.

Mati kerana benda dan rasa yang tak pasti adalah benda yang paling bodoh yg dibuat manusia.
Jika mati kerana cinta, apa yang kita dapat in the end. Give up bukan jalan dia. Senang sangat nak give up.

"Cinta akan datang jika tepat masa, ketika, keadaan, dan SIAPA."
– Tentang Cinta. Pahrol Mohd. Juoi.

"Kita tidak boleh mengubah sesuatu yang kita lihat, tetapi kita boleh mengubah diri kita yang melihatnya. Jika tak dapat apa yang kita suka, maka langkah terbaik ialah sukalah apa yang kita dapat. Itulah syukur namanya!"
– Tentang Cinta. Pahrol Mohd. Juoi

"Di dalam dunia penuh dugaan kita tidak boleh punyai hati yang rapuh. Di dalam kehidupan di mana ramai sekali manusia suka bercakap ikut sedap mulut, kita tidak seharusnya terluka dengan kata-kata."
-Pahrol Mohd. Juoi

The Bond.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

It's gonna be three months. Kalau tiba-tiba salah seorang tak ada nanti, macam mana agaknya? Like, what did we do when we last saw each others?

When is the last time we met? That's why I never say goodbye. Goodbye means forever. - Til' next time.

We have no idea what's gonna happen after this. Tomorrow, soon. But, what matters is, right now. Selagi masih ada ruang dan peluang.

Live the moment to its fullest. 

This, is a family, and live it. That's why we live the moment now. And family means, we stick together no matter what.

Ohana.

Salud, mi familia. 

If And Only If.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I'm wondering, how could you tell me that I'm such an ignorant and I abandoned you.
You guys are my friends. Somehow I can say, my best friends. You guys should know me better. You guys should know, why I was behaving like that.

If only you guys know what was exactly happening for the past few months. How life has been treating me and us. Well, not only us, as well as them.

I wasn't selfish.
I wasn't ignoring you guys.
It's just that they really need me at times,
and they never asked for it.

It's me, it was me who wanna help them. It was me who try to ease their burdens and problems.
It was me at the first place.
Because, that's the least I can do.
That's the least I can help.
Only that.

However, every time I try to fix and make things up, you guys seem to be reluctant.
I don't know if my efforts didn't seem to be noticed or what.
I don't know.
I've tried.
It's okay, I'm fine with it.

I know, it was me who started it at the first place. I deserve such attitudes from you guys. No, I ain't blaming you guys. No.

You, people. If only you know, people.
If and only if.

Second Choice.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Being someone's second choice or option is awful, you know.

Why?

Sebab hari-hari kau akan makan hati berulam jantung, sedang mereka makan lauk mewah.

Sebab semua benda yang mereka buat, kau jugak yang kena beralah di penghujung hari dan waktunya.

Semua benda pasal dia yang kau patut tau, kaulah orang terakhir yang tau. Sampaikan bila orang duk bercerita pasal dia, kau tercengang-cengang; tak tau hujung pangkal. Orang lain lagi tau pasal dia dari diri kau sendiri. Padahal kau yang dikatanya, better half. Yeah, second better half dia. *sinis*

Kalau dulu boleh saja, contact selalu. Kalau dia keluar dengan member ke apa, boleh je dia text kau. Tapi, tu dulu la kan.
Sekarang? Dia suruh kau tunggu dia balik dulu, baru dia contact.

Aku tau, korang tunggu dia sampai lewat pagi. Hingga 2, 3, 4 pagi. Aku tau, kau nampak dia online dekat Whatsapp. Tapi, kau tak berani nak tegur. Kau takut dia busy, tengah contact family ke, classmates atau coursemates dia. Walaupun kau sangat tau, dia online sampai 2, 3 pagi. Takpun, sebab kau dah tau jawapan dia. Nanti malam dia contact kau. Kalau dia contact kau, kira dah beruntung kan? Kalau tak, dapat mesej good night je. Tu pun kau dah bersyukur sangat. Sedang kau tunggu dia. Nak contact dengan dia. Aku faham.

Dengan yang pertama, dia boleh on the phone sampai pukul 2, 3 pagi. Sedang masa tu kau tunggu dia. Kau harap sekeping text atau Whatsapp dah kira mencukupi. Kau on the phone dengan dia, berapa minit? Cuba bagitau aku? Aku tau. Dapat setengah jam pun jadi. Kalau tak, 6 hingga 10 minit je. Kurang dari tu pun ada. Jangan tipu, aku tau.

Kalau dulu, segala aktiviti dia kau tahu. Macam PA dia kan? Sekarang? Dia buat apa, dia dekat mana pun kau tak tau kan?
Sebab dah jarang contact. Kau tau, kau faham, dia busy.
Tapi, tengok-tengok dia keluar dengan yang pertama. Bila kau tanya, dia kata tak sempat nak bagitau.
Tapi, masa kau call dia tanya dia buat apa, dekat mana, dia kata dia keluar. Masa tu tak pulak dia bagitau kau dia keluar dengan siapa kan?
Aku tau, masa kau call dia tu, kau bukannya nak siasat dia kan? Kau cuma rindu dia. Sangat. Kan?

Aku tau kau sedih. Kau tak minta dia tipu kau pun kan? Tapi cukup sekadar cakap dan bagitau benda yang betul. Jangan tipu kau. Itu je. Katakan yang benar walaupun pahit. Ia buat kau jadi lebih sakit bila kau tau semua benda tu sendiri kan?

Aku jugak tau sekarang kau cuma dapat contact dia bila lewat malam je. Itu pun dia balas lambat. Tapi, takpe kau kata. Kau bersengkang mata sebab nak contact dia. Kau yang dah tertidur pun boleh terjaga balik. Sebab apa? Sebab dia kan? Dalam hati, kau dah risau sebab kau takut dia dah tidur, sebab kau lambat balas text atau Whatsapp dari dia. Sebab aku tau, masa tu jelah satu-satunya masa yang kau ada untuk contact dia.


Aku tau, kau pun selalu beralah dan tak kata apa-apa bila dia dengan yang pertama tu bersweet ke apa dekat laman sosial. Kau nampak, tapi kau butakan mata kau. Kau dengar, tapi kau pekakkan telinga. Tapi, aku tau, hati kau nampak, hati kau dengar.
Dan aku jugak tau kenapa kau diamkan saja, sebab kau takut kau gaduh dengan dia. Sebab apa kau tak nak gaduh dengan dia? Kau fikir tak guna gaduh sebab kau dengan dia pun punya masa yang sangat limited untuk benda tu semua. Lebih baik kau guna masa yang ada tu untuk catch up masa kau dengan dia. Daripada bergaduh dengan dia kan?

Tapi, dia tau tak semua tu? Tau tak?

Dia kata dia sayang kau, tapi dia lagi sayang yang pertama.
Dia suruh kau mudahkan kerja dia.
Diam dan buat tak tau je semua benda yang dia buat dengan yang pertama.
Aku tau kau boleh buat, tapi sampai bila kan? Kau terpaksa jadi penonton untuk semua tu.
Sampai bila kau nak jadi kalis perasaan macam tu. Walau aku tau, sebelum kau tidur, bantal yang menadah dan menyapu air mata kau.
Aku tau.

Mudah jugak dia kata, kau boleh bermadu. Bermadu? Kalau sekarang pun dia dah tak berlaku adil dekat kau, usah kata bila kau orang dah berkahwin nanti. *sinis*

Lagi satu, jangan tamak. Dekat sini pun dia nak, dekat sana pun dia nak. Pesan aku dekat dia, jangan tamak. Takut yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendong berciciran.

Belajar setia. Jangan seksa hati orang. Berdosa. Hati orang bukan mainan. Bila kau nak, kau ambik. Tapi, bila kau tak nak, kau letak tepi.



Macam mana aku tau semua tu?

Been there, done that. Period.


p/s: This entry was actually written two years ago. But, it was safely keep in the draft box. Why? Because I didn't have the courage to publish this back then due to some reasons. But now, I think this is the time. :)

Tunggu.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Life sucks

katanya.

Menunggu itu menyakitkan.

Tak kisahlah kau tunggu apa pun

dalam hidup kau.

Kau buat orang tertunggu-tunggu.

Siap boleh bergembira.

Huha sana

Huha sini.

Sikit tak fikir.

Sekarang

biar kau pulak tunggu dia.

Biar kau tau rasa

macam mana sakitnya

menunggu.

Sebab kau tak pernah rasa.

Sekarang rasakan.

Ya,

kadang-kadang kita perlu pentingkan diri.

Sebab selama ni kita dah selalu

fikir pasal orang lain

Selalu letak orang lain

melebihi diri kita sendiri.

Lagi fikir perasaan orang

dari fikir perasaan sendiri.

Tapi kali ini,

kita kena ego.

Ujian buat kita.

Justeru, Tuhan lagi sayang kita

sebab Tuhan selalu uji orang yang

Dia sayang.

Tuhan juga uji dia.

Nak tengok betapa menghargai 

itu diguna pakai.

Kadang-kadang putus asa itu perlu

bila kita dah tiada sebab untuk

bertahan dan tinggal.

Masa dia belum tiba lagi.

Bak kata orang putih,

What goes around, comes around.

Apa yang dia buat pada kita,

orang lain pula akan buat pada dia.

Hidup bukan selamanya

di atas.

Sampai masa

roda berputar

ke bawah pula.

Kalau penat

Berhenti.

Bagi hati, fikiran dan mata

berehat.

Hati, fikiran dan mata tu

dah banyak bekerja.

Kalau benar 

Tuhan izinkan

Pasti kembali

pasti berhasil.

Buat masa sekarang

Berehatlah.

The Kontena Mobbers - Flash Mob Uptown Kontena/Dapo Pata.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Assalamualaikum! So, last week, I've joined a flash mob organized by the owner of the Uptown Kontena .aka. Dapo Pata; PokDi, at Pantai Tok Jembal, Kuala Terengganu. Yeap, a flash mob. Haha. I don't even know how aku boleh terjebak (amboi, terjebak) dalam flash mob ni.

Ceritanya bermula bila me and my groupmates went for outing dekat Uptown Kontena tu. Saja lepak-lepak, release tension. Lepas tu dekat sana, terserempak pulak dengan classmates aku yang lain. Duduk lepak sekali. At that time, they were discussing about the flash mob. And I was invited to join them. Hee. :)

Night discussion

We took about two weeks, practicing the flash mob. Sketch and dance! Wehoo! That two weeks were hectic. Masa tulah due date assignment, quizzes and test, audition teater lagi, malam pergi practice flash mob. Pheww. But, Alhamdulillah, I managed to balance all those things. :)

UniSZA feat. UMT

That's the crew from UniSZA. From left, Farid Farhan, Habibullah, Saiful, Ali and last but not least, Haziq. Semua ni classmates aku. Yea, I'm the only girl from UniSZA. But, it wasn't awkward to be with them. Gila-gila masuk air semuanya. Asyik terhibur je aku. Hikhik.

Haa, our main choreographer for our flash mob; Farid Farhan. Gila gempak, tak sangka aku. Berbakat rupanya. Diam-diam boleh menari, siap boleh ajar orang lagi.

For your information, this flash mob is a collaboration between UniSZA and UMT's students. It's a good thing sebab boleh kenal orang baru dan boleh merapatkan silaturrahim antara universiti. Another thing that I realize and notice is, we become close to each other.  Close like a family. And, I admit, I love this family. :D

So, the Tuesday night was the night. We were nervous but hey, we nailed it!. People were swarming around us. Clapping and cheering us that night. It was full of joy! 

Uptown Kontena

Part of the crew!

Kontena Mobbers

Flash mob malam tu disokong oleh budak-budak kelas kitorang yang supportive. Kemain promote dekat diorang dengan orang awam. Not to forget, my Twinnies, Lyaa and also Izma were also there! Thanks girls! :*

Lyaa, Wani and Anne :)

Anne datang Uptown Kontena semata-mata nak tengok aku perform.
So sweet of her, thanks sayang. :')

Yang kusayang. :*

Tak dilupa juga, groupmates yang paling sporting, juga datang memberi sokongan. Terima kasih Sophie, Lissa, Faiz and Aidan! :)

Great job, Kontena Mobbers! It's such a pleasure to collaborate with you guys. :DD

Kemain Habib.  >_<

Farid dan bunga-bunga dari UMT.

Sporting sungguh mereka-mereka ini. Komited; setiap malam turun padang buat latihan. Sayang kalian semua.

Haa, that was me that night. Watak ibu Ali untuk sketsa Ulek Mayang. Heee.

Kejutan dari PokDi selepas kami selesai flash mob; pertunjukan bunga api di langit Uptown Kontena. Tak sangka langsung ada bunga api lepas kami perform tu. Terima kasih, PokDi! :D

Terima kasih jugak untuk tshirt Kontena Mobbers yang cool ni! Love you, PokDi! :D

That's a wrap! Nantikan kemunculan The Kontena Mobbers di sekitar Kuala Terengganu pada masa akan datang! ;)

Oh ya, sila klik pada link di bawah untuk melihat video penuh flash mob kami. Happy watching! :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kf3H3cTzON8

Tasik Pepsi Blue!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Haa, pertengahan semester satu yang lalu, Twinnies mula ada hobi baru. Hobi apa? Hobi mencari dan mencuba sesuatu yang baru. Kami cari tempat-tempat best, tempat menarik untuk dilawati sekitar Terengganu. Tak kira tempat rekreasi mahupun tempat makan. Hehe.

Jadi, atas jasa dan semangat Anne, sampai jugaklah aku dan Sheeda ke Tasik Pepsi Blue, di Rusila, Terengganu. Adalah setengah jam ke 45 minit dari Kuala Terengganu. Nak masuk ke tasik ni agak berliku jugaklah. Tasik Pepsi Blue ni agak tersorok di sebalik bukit-bukau. Kereta kena park tepi jalan. Jalan kaki pulak masuk ke dalam. Tak cukup dengan itu, kena panjat bukit sikit. Lalu semak sikit. Fuhh, mencabar jugaklah. Tapi.....

Subhanallah, sumpah cakap, cantik gila tempat tu! Air tasik tu biru-sebirunyaaa!

Puas hati. Hilang penat bila dapat tengok keindahan alam ciptaan Allah yang Maha Agung ni. Geram je nak terjun dalam air biru tu. Tapi, katanya tasik ni tak boleh mandi sebab airnya berasid. Tempat ni dulu asalnya tapak kawasan perlombongan emas. Kawasan tasik ni agak curam. Berbahaya jugaklah. Tipulah tak cuak bila duduk di tebing tasik tu.

Sehari selepas kami datang ke Tasik Pepsi Blue ni, tasik ni khabarnya mula ditutup kepada orang awam kerana risiko dan keadaan lokasi yang agak berbahaya kepada orang ramai. Masa hari kami datang sini pun, ada pegawai datang dan nasihati kami untuk pulang. Kebetulan masa tu tengah turun bukit nak balik. Boleh dikata rezeki kami jugaklah sebab sempat datang sini. Thanks to Anne, though. Ada jugak kenangan kami dekat Tasik Pepsi Blue yang indah ni. Nak pergi lagi memang tak dapat dah. 

It was so beautiful and blue. Setenang jiwa memandang, sedamai biru airnya.

Manusia Mahal.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Ah, manusia.

Selagi tak kena cepuk dengan Tuhan

sampai kiamat dia itu malaikat.

Biarkan saja.

Untung juga semua sudah ternoktah.

Daripada serabaikan otak

hati melayan orang 'mahal'.

Dituduhnya kita murah.

Mana layak bergandingan dengan orang mahal

seperti dia.

Biar kita perlahan-lahan jadi mahal

daripada tumpang dia punya mahal

untuk jadi mahal.

Biar dia gigit jari.

Biar dia jadi murah pulak lepas ni.

Ihsan Pakcik Google

11.28pm, August 6, 2015

Nota.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Ramadhan 2013, ingat?

Awal pertama.
Biasa.
Firasat di hati tiada yang tahu.
Bagai ada tanda yang bakal terjadi.
Benar.
Biasa menjadi luar biasa.
Mulai mendekat.


Ramadhan 2014.

Semua menjadi ribut.
Semua menjadi kabut.
Semakin memberat dan susah.
Huru-hara.
Hanya ingin dimengerti.
Jauh sekali menjauh.

Ramadhan 2015.

Termeterai semua bertemu titik noktah.
Hakim memutus.
Segala terputus.
Memikul di bahu kian merendah.

Insomnia.

"Hey, sorry semalam. Saya tertidur. :("

"Nah, it's okay. Tau dah tertidur. :)"

"Still rasa bersalah jugak. Tidur pukul berapa semalam?"

"Takpe. Belum tidur dari semalam. Tak boleh tidur. Heh."

"Hah??! Belum tidur? Kenapa tak tidur ni??"

"Sebab tak boleh tidurlah. Pusing kanan, pusing kiri. Mata tak jugak lelap. Pukul 5 pagi bangun mandi, ready solat Subuh."

"Okay. Dah-dah, sekarang pergi tidur. Saya tunggu awak tidur."

"Okay, baik. Saya tidur."

"Dah. Peluk Cik D. Lelap mata. Jangan fikir apa-apa dah. Saya ada dekat sini."

"Baik. :)"

Ramadhan - Half Way To Go!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Alhamdulillah, all praises to Him because now we are already in the second phase of Ramadhan. Half way to go! :D

So guys, how's Ramadhan been treating you guys so far? No, no. I think I should change the sentence a bit. How are you been treating Ramadhan so far? Much better, isn't it? I hope everyone is treating Ramadhan with bless and happiness. No doubt, Ramadhan is the toughest month in a year. It’s about patience, sympathy, humanity, love, forgiveness, kindness and remembrance of Allah. Ramadhan is so much more than fasting for one month.

Fasting teaches sincere love. When one fasts, he does it out of a deep love for Allah. One who loves Allah is a man who knows what love is. Let this Ramadhan be the month we decide to change ourselves for good. This Ramadhan, take a sincere step towards change, transformation, redemption. If you do, you will find Allah in front of you.

Even if you didn't do your best in the beginning of Ramadhan, do your best from now. Don't let it get away without an effort. Don't give up. Allah is training your patience. Be thankful for your trials. If you’re being tested, you’re being perfected.

Remember! One Ramadhan can change your whole life. Insya-Allah. The best time to begin a good deed and keep it consistent is Ramadhan.
So hurry up and start now!

Let’s aim replacing our negative addictions with new positive ones. Get addicted to prayers, to the Quran or giving charity. We need to stop ourselves from doing things that aren’t right because they aren’t right, not because its Ramadhan. 

Ramadhan is about breaking bad habits, not putting them on pause. 

Insya-Allah, kalau niat baik, mesti Allah tolong kan? Tapi, kita mestilah berusaha ke arah itu. Things won’t suddenly become easier once Ramadhan starts. Yes, the satans are chained but we still have to work on ourselves. With the power of Ramadhan, Insya-Allah.

Keep the smile, leave the tension, feel the joy, forget the worry, hold the peace, leave the pain, and enjoy the days of Ramadhan. Enjoy Ramadhan, do not take it as a burden. May Allah protect us from those people who take Ramadhan as a burden. Aamiin. :)

"Sorry."

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

This is not even the first time. It happened so many times before. Sepatutnya aku sudah boleh mengagak perkara ini akan terjadi. Lagi.

Why did you always pull me in just to push me away? Every single time.
Ada ketika, kau beria.
Ada ketika, kau menjauh.

Kau tarik aku, sampai aku masih mahu kekal hingga ke saat ini. Sebaliknya, kau makin tolak aku.
Avoiding. Silencing. Shutting me out.
You're so confusing. I just don't know what to do anymore.

You and your attempts and efforts.

Please know that all your efforts to save me from you, will fail. Even if you're trying to keep your distance from me, will not lessen my affection for you. Somehow, it would be privilege to have my heart broken by you. Yeah, it might sounds crazy. But, damn it.

I've been thinking since then. And the question still remains.
What else that is not enough for you?
Was everything never enough?
When are you going to get it?
When will you get it through your exceptionally thick skull that I love you? So freaking love you!

Haihh. I just wish the whole thing hadn't happened sometimes. And now, you've made your decision.

"Sorry."

If sorry could fix everything, why would there be laws and police?
If sorry could fix hearts, then nobody would be broken hearted.

But then, you chose that, so I have to accept it, by hook or by crook, shouldn't I?
Walau macam mana susah dan berat sekalipun.
Teruskan mencari apa yang kau nak cari. Semoga kau jumpa apa yang kau cari.

I believe there's something good gonna come later. With or without you.

Maybe this is good for both of us. I don't know. HE knows the best and the whole thing.

Wherever you are, my prayer's with you. Take care.

Love,
Me.

Cik D, The Ladybug.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.


"That thing must be very precious to you. Given by someone?"

"Yeah, this is the only thing I have."

"You must be hugging that every night, am I right? A cure to your missing."

"....*weeping*...."  


-June 10, 2015; 11:37 pm-




Love,
CikNin

Sedia Kala.

Kembalikan ia seperti sedia kala.
Seperti waktu indah dulu.
Juga waktu duka, namun kita tetap bersama.
Setia berpegang pada janji yang satu.
Moga ia utuh.

Kali ini, aku takkan menyerah.
Tidak bakal berputus asa.
Cuba memahami, menyelami
Setiap yang terjadi.
Cuba
Memakai kasut situasimu,
Tinggal di kotak hidupmu.

Semoga berhasil.