Sunday, 16 July 2017



Racun. Itu kau.
Setiap langkah, gerak-gerimu membunuh setiap bakteria baik dalam imunku.
Tapi, kau juga penawar.
Penawar segala racun yang kau sebarkan.
Kelakuanmu membingungkan.
Jujur saja, mahumu apa?
Mengapa harus diracun seluruh penawar itu?
Racun yang telah mematikan aku dan lantaran itu
aku terlantar bersama mesin masa.

Mesin masa kau matikan. Kau renggut kepalanya.
Membiar garis masa terhenti. Mati.
Mati, terhenti bersama degup jantung yang masih ingin
bernafas sambil menghela namamu.

Saturday, 3 June 2017



"I'm sorry I can't be like other boyfriends who brought flowers to their girlfriends to the hospital."

That's what he said when I was admitted to the hospital, recently.

Honestly, I don't need flowers or chocolates. I just need you by my side. And yes, you did. You were there. From the moment I was rushed to the hospital with ambulance, you were there. No one there, but you.

I still remember, you left the hospital at 9.30pm on the first night and you came again the next afternoon. You gonna be there at 12pm sharp, everyday. And I remember, I'm gonna counting until 12pm.

And I still remember, you spent the night at the hospital, accompanied me. You didn't get your bath or even changed your clothes. You didn't even take your rest or your beauty sleep just to ensure I was okay during the blood transfusion.

At 4am, I was awake. Saw you still there, smiled to me.

Having you is more than enough. I don't need flowers. I don't need chocolates. What you've done to me was priceless, precious. You worth more than those flowers and chocolates.

Thank you for taking good care of me when I was sick. Thanks for always be there for me. Only He knows how grateful I am to have you. I always pray that you are the one, and I don't want to lose you.

I love you.

Saturday, 25 February 2017



[2/19, 11:35 PM]: I just sent him off to his place. He's not feeling well. And I know there's something bothering him, which I don't even know what is it. Gosh, I miss him already. How I wish I can be by his side right now. Watching over him. So that I can get him everything he needs. He refused to get any meds and isotonic drink. I'm worried. Haih. Get well soon my dear. It breaks my heart to see you like that.

[2/20, 1:55 AM]: I wish I know what's bothering you. So that I can help you to at least, ease your burden. Please, let me be your ears, let me be your crying shoulder. Please. It hurts me to see you in pain or even in any kinds of unpleasant feelings. I miss your smile, I miss your laughter. Smile, smile.

[2/20, 4:55 PM]: He was okay this morning. I got to see him; smiling and laughing. We even had lunch together. But then, he suddenly creep into silence. I'm not sure whether he's not feeling good or he's just sleepy. Seeing him like that, it worries me a lot. It's been few days he's acting like that. I don't know whether he's just tired and doesn't want to talk to anybody or it's me who loves to over think. I wish I know why. I wish. I wish I could dive into his heart and find the answers. So that, he doesn't have to tell me, because I know he's not good with words.

Monday, 20 February 2017



When it all started? To be honest, I don’t even know when I started to like him. I started a routine; go through his social medias; everyday. But, after that one fine night, I’ve knocked my sense, I like him. Damn it. I’m sure with myself, I like him.

It's time for our semester break. We sent him off to the airport. I can feel my heart was blue as he went off to the boarding gate. I can still see him waving, smiling from the gate. I almost shed a tear. And I realized, he took my ring with him.
He took my ring with him back to Kuala Lumpur. It’s like he's already took half of me with him. 

Three months. I wondered if he would like me the same. I wondered if he would notice me. But, I keep denying because I don’t want any false hopes. He met many girls at his workplace and bragged them every time in our group. It broke me every time, as I read them and I chose to be a silent reader. The dream gonna stay as a dream. Knowing it is impossible.

Day by day, I tried to keep him away from my mind. Got to know to someone new. I thought I was doing fine, but I failed. I came back here and I realized the feelings still lingered.

I don’t know how we became closer, day by day. Seeing each other every day. Texting and talking. And I realized that I get attached to him. I'm happy  whenever I'm with him.

I remember the night when he finally confessed to me. That was a night to remember. I didn’t expect it at all. I thought it was joke, but it turned out to be real. But somehow, I’m glad and grateful because He heard me. Finally, the dream came true. Even though, it's not yet complete, but its half way there. I cried out of happiness.

He spoiled me. Too much. Being a girl who always with mood swing, he's always there, listen to me, and comfort me.

He rang me up in the morning, one day because I need to attend a meeting with the President and I only had two hours of sleep. He rang me every ten minutes just to make sure if I already up.

Orange ice-cream. The day when I almost give up and tired. I said I wanted an orange ice-cream. He drove to almost every stores, but there's no orange ice-cream. But, he’s there. Still there. Patiently handled the moody me with his care and love. I was acting up, and crying.

Lord Almighty, it's him. It's him that I always pray and hope for. Please, let him be the one for me.