Saturday 24 January 2015

Jawapan Aku.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.


Kau tanya aku, kenapa aku baik lagi dengan kau. Sedangkan bermacam dah kau buat dekat aku.
Aku jawab, tapi ini jawapan aku yang panjang untuk soalan kau yang satu itu. (Itupun kalau kau baca.)


Aku tak punya sebab nak benci kau.
Aku tak punya sebab nak berdendam dengan kau.


Sebab, kau pernah buat aku bahagia.
Sebab, kau pernah sayang aku.
Sebab, kau pernah jaga aku.
Sebab, kau tau baik buruk aku macam mana.
Sebab, segala kebaikan kau dan kenangan yang kita ada telah menutup dan melupakan aku seketika semua rasa benci dan sakit aku. Sampai aku dah tak nampak semua tu.

Ya, aku sakit dengan apa yang terjadi. Aku sedih. Aku marah. Tapi, semua tu bersifat sementara. Aku tak simpan dendam.


Aku akui, hari tu aku marah kau. Maaf. Aku sakit. Aku masih mencari diri aku yang hilang.
Hilang sebelah sayap dan cuba untuk terus terbang agar tak tersungkur terus ke bumi.

Tak, aku tak benci kau. Kalau dimulut aku kata benci, tapi tak di hati.
Jangan kata aku benci kau.
Aku sedih.
Tak mungkin aku benci orang yang pernah  jadi bahagian hidup aku.
Dah macam soulmate aku.
Used to be the other half of mine.
Aku tak benci kau.
Tak pernah.


Tipu kalau aku kata aku tak rindu. Memang menipu kalau kata aku tak sayang. Tapi, aku tak nak jadi beban dalam hidup kau.
Aku tak nak risikokan kau dan hidup kau.
Kau berhak atas hidup kau.
Aku cuba faham,
Dan aku faham.

Jangan risau pasal aku. Aku okay.
Teruskan kehidupan kau, macam aku teruskan kehidupan aku.

Tak, aku bukan nak raih simpati kau atau sesiapa. Aku tak harap dengan kau baca semua ni, kau kembali. Aku cuma jawab apa yang kau tanya aku.

No hurt feelings,
No hard feelings.

Wednesday 21 January 2015

Terfaktab: Forgiving.

Terfaktab: Forgiving.: ( all deserved credits go to Kevin Spear )  Everyone makes mistakes. Some people repeat the mistakes. You and me, we make mistakes. Mistakes. Mistakes mature us, when we learn not to repeat.



 At this very moment, you may be the dumped, or the one who dumped. Or even both. Either which, it could be one of the biggest mistakes of your life, to have had a fated relationship. The dumped is usually not very keen to forgive, forget and move on. They just can't. Forgiving is harder than the rocks from Mars.



 Yes, your past may be bitter. But the present you're living should be sweet and better. To successfully move on is to forgive (even unwillingly). It helps to cure the bitterness in your heart. You and me, neither of us is as perfect as any of Allah's Messengers. You may find it's hard at times to forgive, forget, and move on. Well, that just shows you're human anyway. Human with bitterly-torn heart.



 Give yourself some time, but you can't have all the time in the world. Afterall, it's not worth to hold grudges and carry it to the afterlife. You can just forgive all the wrongs, the painful wrongs and it's all settled here. The art of forgiving is, never hold grudges.



 Remember, anytime is the best time to forgive.

Terfaktab Zine: The Reason.

Terfaktab Zine: The Reason.: The most disturbing thing in my head since I can even remember would probably be you; but it is also the most enjoyable thing as well. I hate the fact that you are still there, lingering around my other thoughts; but it somehow soothes and calms me whenever I'm undone.





Call me evil, call me ruthless. I have someone that I should think of more frequently than you but then, you win. You make me think of one damn possible reason of why you leave me hanging. Why doesn't you say a word of goodbye? Am I not good enough? Is it because you don't want to see me break down? Is it because I'm somewhere there in the tiniest space of your heart? Is it because you care of my feelings if you left?





And most importantly; why you even came into my life and flew away with the wind.





I've learn a lesson. We can never expect how a person's presence could affect our emotion terribly, for eternity. Thanks to you, because even when you've left, I can never discard you from my head and from my heart because of one goddamn reason. I'll keep on searching for the reason. Forever.





I guess with you, God gives me one temporary moment in my life for me to feel the sweetest love and adoration, and in return, we can't be together. God's call.





Just so you know, I cant even describe you with just a word. You're my once upon a time, but my hardest goodbye. My biggest failure, and my sweetest memory.

Tuesday 20 January 2015

Terfaktab Zine: Kau okay? aku okay.

Terfaktab Zine: Kau okay? aku okay.: Semalam hujan, lebat. Macam lebatnya isu pergaduhan kita. Tentang kau balas text lambat, dan kau dahulukan orang lain sedang kita sedang sembang hal-hal serius. Aku okay. Kita okay.

Kau busy, sangat busy. Jadi aku cuba juga untuk membusykan diri. Tapi kau ada juga masa reply text aku walaupun lambat, sebab kau perlu dahulukan orang yang perlukan khidmat kau. Aku okay. Kita okay.



Aku paling kau utamakan, sampai orang tak tahu pasal hubungan kita. Kau cakap belum masanya. Ada banyak hati kau nak kena jaga. Hati ex-ex kau misalnya. Jadi aku ini apa dan siapa? Tak apa. Aku bersabar. Aku okay. Kita okay.



Kau layan orang lain baik-baik. Sampai personal text tanya “kau okay, kau okay?” Tapi aku kau tak pernah tanya. “Aku tak okay” sebab kau kenal aku seorang yang kuat, jadi kau tak payah ambil berat sangat pasal aku. Aku boleh handle sendiri. Aku okay. Kita okay.



Aku dah makin cemburu. Perasaan itu dah mula ada, aku risau bila ada perasaan macam ni, itu tanda aku dah mula sayang sangat. Tapi bila aku tanya kau pergi mana, buat apa, dengan siapa, dah makan belum? Dan kesemuanya pertanyaan klise dan apa yang kau buat kau tak inform dah sampai aku kena tanya dan kau cakap “macam tak biasa” aku fikir aku terlalu mengongkong pula. Aku okay kita okay. Maaf aku terambil berat.



Bila kita jadi selalu gaduh, layanan sesama kita jadi kurang. Mungkin aku nak kau pujuk dan kau nak aku “okay” dengan sendirinya dan berpura macam tak ada masalah. Aku terpaksa berpura demi menjaga hubungan kita ni ke? Aku mengalah. Aku okay. Kita okay. Dan hubungan kita okay.

Kau minta maaf, kau cakap semua salah kau, aku maafkan dan kita berbaik, esoknya kau ulang lagi silap yang sama. Aku tegur itu ini bukan nak perfect, tapi bawa berbincang macam mana sekalipun, serupa aku seorang saja yang pertahankan hubungan kita, dan kau sedang sibuk mencari penganti aku. Aku tahu jangan tipu. Aku okay. Kita okay.



Aku dah tak tahu nak buat apa. Jadi aku berdiam diri. Kalau rindu kalau cinta dan sayang aku, cari dan ajaklah aku kembali. Rasa cinta itu ada, sayang itu masih ada. Tapi dalam kau tak sedar, kau dah buang aku. Tak apa, aku maafkan. Aku tahu kau sedang terleka. Mungkin.



Kita tak ada masalah, langsung. Kita okay. Aku okay kau okay dan hubungan kita okay. Mungkin kita perlukan masa dan ruang untuk merindu dan saat itu kau janganlah anggap aku tinggalkan kau. Okay? Banyak sangat kesalahan kau pada aku, terlalu banyak jadi kita tak payah berjumpa, tak payah berbincang sebab kau suka baca entry aku bukan? Jadi bercintalah dengan alam maya ni. Okay?


Monday 19 January 2015

It’s You.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

The memories of meeting you is a dream like a lie.
I’m still waiting here for you
Because I’m trembling,
I can’t move as you look at me.
Why can’t I say anything?
When I have so much to say.
The moment you turn around
Why are you so distant toward me?

Why is a burst of tears spilling over?
I love you, there’s only you.
There isn’t even anyone else but you.
Even if I can’t touch you,
Even if I can’t hug you,
Or even if I cry by myself,
It’s okay
I’ll always be looking at you
It’s you.

Meeting you was a fate.
Before i knew it, the fate bcame mine.
By loving you as before,
As I can’t go back’
I am returning to you
I love you, there’s only you
There isn’t even anyone else but you.
Even though I can’t touch you,
Hug you,
Or cry by myself,
It’s okay.
I’ll be always be looking at you.
Come back to me.
There isn’t even anyone else but you.
Even if I can’t have you,
Even if I can’t say anyting,
I love you like this.
I’ll always be looking at you.

It’s you.

Wednesday 14 January 2015

Treasure.

Bismillahirrahmannirrahim.

It is tough. Why at this state of time, I discovered and found all those things back? It’s like I’m digging up all the memories back. Those wonderful and beautiful memories...


The pictures.


Priceless. I treasured them the most. It was freaking heartbreaking when I had to lose them before.

But now, they hurt me even more. For God’s sake! To see all those pictures again.


How bright the smile we had.


My heart’s scattered.
Broke into pieces.
I smiled while tears streaming down my face.   

Why are those things have to show up while I’m trying to push myself to another step of my life? Trying hard like hell. And why did I find all that now? It’s priceless but useless?

Allah. What it is? What is it do You want to tell me? Was it a sign from You?  Please show me the way, Lord. There’s no one I can count on, unless You.


Monday 12 January 2015

We Accept Love, We Think We Deserve

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.


"You never expect the hurt to come from those you love.
You assume that your love for them ultimately means,
That if nothing else
They love you just as much.
So when they, whether lover or friend,
Show you that their devotion to you
is no where close to your loyalty to them.
It hurts
So the questions is not
How do you find an equal in love
But rather,
How much hurt are you willing to accept along with the love and how long?"